On August 17, 2001, I married Sarah. My life is so much better for that moment. Sarah’s is at least much more interesting. The day before, I did not have a bachelor party. I had no interest. The typical activities associated with a bachelor party are reserved for husbands-to-be that still love themselves more than they love their wives-to-be, even on the eve of their marriage, and don’t even attempt to correct or conceal that. Now, I could have done something else as an alternative type party, but I still had no interest. I just wanted to hang out with my best friend. I figured I wouldn’t be spending as much time with him in the near future.
There were obviously things to do the day before the wedding that pertained to the wedding itself, details that could not be overlooked or ignored. So we were at the church in the morning handling business. Then we went to lunch at the McDonald’s next door to the church. While we were in waiting for our food – a process that could take up to 10 minutes when no one else was there at this particular McDonald’s – I said to Josh, “You know, I think it’s really unfair that a lot of women get married and then gain a lot of weight. You know what I’m going to do? I’m going to gain weight starting tomorrow. I’m going to turn it around on them.” This, of course, is an offensive and stupid thing to say, therefore it was pretty typical of teenage me to say it. The girl that was getting our food did not think it was as funny as Josh did. She gave me quite a dirty look. I guess she didn’t know I was joking.
She’d probably think the joke is funny now, because sadly, the joke’s on me. I thought I was kidding when I said it, but apparently I was just prophesying.