The following post is written by Sarah. You’ve heard of her, no? If not, you have never had a conversation with me, read my blog, or surveyed my tweets.
something i’ve noticed as a parent is that Jakob loves to test me. he will go to do something he knows is wrong, and he will give me this sly look and a smile, as if to say “i know i shouldn’t be doing this, but i know my big brown eyes and smile are my get-out-of-jail-free card”.
there is a metal tray [with 2 handles, on short legs <– important details c:] on our end table which has 3 decorative balls, a metal cross, a red wooden plate, and a small vase on it. oh, and a small handful of black rocks. most of which, i’ve put elsewhere because someone likes to put said rocks into his mouth. ahh, teething. what Jakob views as a sanction to put the ok, the bad, and the ugly into his mouth.
anyway. i also am currently stashing a few writing utensils, gum, and a small pad of chartreuse, lined sticky notes in this tray – things that i used to keep in my purse. things he loves to play with, and is familiar with, since one of his proficiencies is rifling through my purse and throwing my pursey things on the floor. now, he doesn’t know the difference, and i feel bad that there iS a difference, but the things on this metal tray are off limits. so i don’t want him to throw these things onto the floor, and most likely, behind the couch. so when he goes to play with these things, i get after him. i sternly tell him no. many times. telling him no. giving him light swats on the leg. swats that, with the absence of my stern voice, have no effect on him. referring to the aforementioned sly look and smile, he knows that what he’s doing is wrong for him; something he knows i do not want him to do. but why does he do it. not because he wants to get in trouble. not because he likes to be gotten after. not because he doesn’t know any better. but because he can’t fight the temptation. don’t misunderstand. i’m not implying that my son is willfully sinning in front [or behind] me. but after 3 “no”s from mama to stop doing something he knows is something i don’t want him to do, he is disobeying me. now, not in regards to the tray, of course, but he does not currently know that some of what he adventures to do, could hurt him. he does not yet understand danger. one of the freakiest parts of parenthood. he does not understand why i get after him, but he knows that he’s in trouble. he knows that he shouldn’t be doing whatever. but he can’t resist.
i bet it totally frustrates God that we keep doing the same dumb things. that He tells us no, time after time, and sometimes has to smack us across the face [mind you, i do NOT, and never will do that to Jakob]. but the things we love the most, sometimes, are the things that can hurt us the most. the things that we fall into are the things that satan opens up and puts in front of us – knowing we’ll jump right in. knowing that we’ll go after it, time after time, even after our Father gets after us for it, for our own good.
but, really. you must understand it’s so hard to punish ^ these ^ eyes.