I’m not too big to be scared. Shoot, I’m barely too big to play in the play land at McDonald’s. The things that scare me, though, go way back to my childhood, and the reason they scare me may not be what you think.
I find clowns scary, because I saw an evil depiction of one in a movie when I was a little kid. No, it wasn’t It. It was this scene that did me in. I’ve been afraid ever since. I am highly suspicious of all clowns now.
My fears were first realized when an evangelist held a dummy on his lap that told me about Hell. Great idea! My fears were confirmed when I read Night of the Living Dummy. Much like the Frog brothers saw vampire comics as survival manuals, I think Night of the Living Dummy is based on true events and can save your life.
You may not know who this is, but you’ve seen him. You may not have even known he had a name, but he did, or at least my mom gave him a name. I found out it was a made up name when I told Sarah about my horrible nightmare featuring Mr. No-good when I was a child. Who is he? None other than the man on many neighborhood watch signs.
It doesn’t seem like I would still be afraid of this, but my behavior betrays me. When I take garbage out after dark, I run back inside. If I am leaving a basement, I always run up the stairs. There is no thought process involved; it’s just an impulse. But why should I fear kidnappers more than anyone else? I’ll tell you why. My mom. She’s never kidnapped anyone, but she did tell me often that I was a prime target. I was a tiny little kid with blond hair, blue eyes, and fair skin. According to my mom, this made me just the kind of kid a pedophile would kidnap. I didn’t even know what a pedophile was, but my mom wanted me to know the severity of this topic, so she scared me out of my mind with I Know my First Name is Steven. How old was I when it hit the small screen? Seven. I watched it at seven. I’m still waiting for Mr. No-good to kidnap me.
Other milder fears include spiders, big dogs, wetting myself, and going bald. It appears as though my list of mild fears will all be realized by the time I’m 30.