I really do love Sarah, but what good is my loving her to her if I do not show her in a way that makes her feel loved? You see, I like to think of myself as a world class husband. It’s more comfortable than thinking I’m an idiot. I’ll leave those thoughts and feelings to others that no doubt exist. But I have been told that I am a good husband by more than just Sarah. The thing is, though, it doesn’t really matter if you or anyone else thinks I’m doing a good job as a husband. It is only Sarah’s perception that matters. I would say that there have been times when others thought I was a good husband, but Sarah was hoping for something better out of me. You know why? Because she lives with me and experiences my best and worst.
So recently, feeling like I was slipping and not making Sarah as happy as I should be, I asked Sarah if I could be better. She was hesitant at first, but she eventually told me the things I normally do that bother her. I have been trying to be better in these areas over the last few months, and I periodically ask her how I’m doing with them. It’s a really uncomfortable question for me to ask, and I’m sure it is uncomfortable for her to answer when the answer won’t be great, but to me, it’s worth having the conversation. I’d rather hear what’s wrong with me from her, and try to get it right. It makes things easier for me knowing that my wife truly loves me and isn’t mean or spiteful. I know she’ll be honest, but she won’t be intentionally hurtful about anything.
Marriage can be difficult. It’s designed to be a lifelong enterprise, but it takes upkeep, maintenance, and effort. Often, when marriage feels difficult, we easily make lists in our heads of things our spouses could be doing better to make our marriage better. It may be better to ask your spouse how you can make your marriage better. Better to be told what you can do, so you can get it right, than to assume the problem is all theirs while you are completely right.